A Whopper of a Tale

Travelers with big bags take note.

Did I ever tell you about the time my husband was in the airport carrying a legal briefcase and a suitcase onto the plane? I tend to repeat myself, so stop reading if you’ve heard this one.

So this was back in the day when people didn’t get pissed at you for trying to shove your big bags onto the plane. Anyway, my husband was at the airport with his two big bags and went to get himself something to eat at Burger King. After he paid, it became obvious that he had a problem. With his two bags and his drink, he had no hands for his sandwich. No problem. He’s a man. They love to solve puzzles like this–and stupid riddles about taking stuff from one side of the river to the other. Men. Anyway, he knew just what to do. He shoved the sandwich into the super big pocket of his shorts. 


So he has this bulge in his shorts and he is trying to get to the gate to sit down. His bags are heavy and he’s struggling, and walking funny cause he’s got this burger  that he doesn’t want to smoosh. He finally makes it to his gate, angling his hips to protect his burger from the two heavy bags he’s carrying–apparently wheels are for wimps. He passes this lady who eyeballs his bulging crotch and the way he is jutting out his hips that seems to be drawing attention to that area. He immediately becomes flustered at her disgusted look and trying to explain himself says, “Oh. No. It’s a Whopper.”

Somehow, that didn’t smooth things over.

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