Okay, I know I’ve told this story before, but I’m back from a week at meditation bootcamp and am practicing the law of least effort. Plus, this story cracks me up. Men are so easy to impress. Don’t believe me? Read on.

I went into the cigar store to get my husband a cigar for his birthday. Men sprawled in comfy red leather chairs, smoking pungent cigars, watched me navigate my uncertain way inside. I cringed at the smell and then reminded myself, “Act cool, you’re in a cigar store.” The store clerk, a young man wearing an apron, offered to help my obvious cluelessness. By this I mean I stated my absolute ignorance on the subject in a loud and unabashed voice and he offered to help. The men on the red leather chairs eyed me with the kind of smugness you feel when you’re in a comfy chair, know more than someone else, and are puffing on a symbolic phallus.

I paid for the cigar, buying one of the first ones the store clerk offered me–as it looked to be about the right size and it was the quickest way out of the store. He put the cigar in a bag and asked me if I needed anything else. I said, “Nope. It’s my husband’s birthday, and I was on a mission to get him chili-dogs, beer, and a cigar. Mission accomplished.”

As I left the store, I heard the men in the chairs repeating what I had just told the store clerk, “chili-dogs, beer, and a cigar” with the kind of reverence men usually reserve for a sportsbook or their mom’s lasagna. If only it was that easy to raise the value of a stock portfolio.

See, men are easy. So, ladies, if you need to show a guy how much you love him remember those three little words–cigar, beer, chili-dog.